One's got peaches. One's got an overbearing Russia always looking over its shoulder.
SHAWN: Georgia. Georgia. Two separate entities whose comparisons have rattled great debaters for ages. Or, at least, for 17 years, since Georgia won’t make up its mind – independent, not independent, a part of the Soviet Union, a Lindsay Lohan movie, independent. What are you, Georgia? You can’t even pick a continent – Asia or Europe! And thus is the magic of Georgia. It knows what it is. It’s part of one wonderful country and got on board right at the beginning (“the funny fat guy of the 13 colonies”). Georgia knows what food it likes, its humid subtropical climate, and especially its Pepsi. Plus, it’s on Ray Charles’ mind, like money and ladies.
RYAN: It’s not hard to figure out which Georgia is best. One is just another drop in the large bucket of countless states that make up the U.S. And the other is the awesome bastard love child of Europe and Asia. Sure, it’s had it’s growing pains. Torture. Religious inequalities. Revolutions. Nothing major. All part of growing up. Oh, and there’s old “weekend Dad” Russia who comes along every so often and tries to make Georgia come live with him. No biggie. Georgia’s 18th birthday is coming up. Then it will have Russia’s respect.
Here Comes Weekend Dad!
SHAWN: A drop in the United States bucket? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the state that boasts the Granite Capital of the World and Arby’s was just like every other state. Clearly, you haven’t had a super roast beef. And Georgia had those growing pains too. Lest we forget it once emancipated itself from weekend dad. But then it knew what was good for it and came back home, like a good child. Also, because it lost the war. And if there’s one thing we’re learning from the current political debate, strong character is all about overcoming adversity and flaws in one’s past, like the way Governor Palin overcame being effective.
RYAN: Granite Capital of the World? Arby’s? What’s next? Bragging about how the state bird is the Brown Thrasher? Know what Georgia’s state bird is? Oh, that’s right. It’s not a state. It’s a WHOLE f****** country. While Georgia is busy answering to that smothering father figure you call the federal government, the real Georgia is moved out and living on its own. Out past 10? Who cares! Whisky with those Lucky Charms? Go for it! Mistreat refugees? Why the hell not! Cause Georgia can do whatever it wants. Except join NATO.
SHAWN: For someone who spends a lot of his free time writing a P/CP blog, you would prefer to be a country? Alright, but when Georgia needs to make a decision…wait, it doesn’t. It’s a state. Papa takes care of it and Georgia’s more than comfortable with his masculinity to suckle off daddy’s teat for another two hundred years. And, hey, it may live in the basement, but it’s got siblings right next door it can play with. Up for a game of ultimate frisbee, Lousiana? Shall we Wii, Tennessee? But, I mean, your Georgia must know what that’s like since it gets along with its neighbors so well, huh?
RYAN: Unless Georgia decided to come out of the basement and blitzkreig through Alabama and Mississippi, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t share any borders with Lousiana. Maybe you need to fire Stewart, the fact-checking intern at Danger Queue. At the very least you should give him a written warning. Cause now our dozens upon dozens of readers (Hi, Mom!) think you’re an idiot. Let’s hope you can redeem yourself next time.
Next on Danger Queue: Margaret Thatcher vs. Chewbacca—
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