One's got America. The other's full of Italians.
Now that The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 2 proved the first film was no fluke, the comparisons to one of the other greatest film sagas were inevitable. Luckily, we’re going to end this heated debate once and for all. Which series is better — The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants or The Godfather?
RYAN: A lot of the naysayers question the validity of the traveling pants. “How can these pants fit all those girls of various heights and waists?” they’ll say all naysayingly. Yeah, like the mafia is real. Everyone knows the mafia was invented by the media to be used as a convenient story arc in movies and television shows (I’m looking at you, Sopranos). Maybe I’m wrong (probably not), but I’d much rather live in a world of magical pants that always fit instead of a world of violence, greed, and overused racial stereotypes. But that’s probably because I still don’t fit into anything in the men’s section of Kohl’s.
She doesn't keep those magical pants on long.
SHAWN: What brings people together more than sharing one pair of pants? How about sharing the secret of who shot Don Corleone? Yeah, traveling pants may be vital for a proper sisterhood, but a true brotherhood is brought by blood. From Now and Then to the Ya-Yas to Live Free or Die Hard, films about sisterhoods have been cliché and wrought with half-assed bonding over loss of virginity. EVERYBODY does that once they move out of their mom’s basement; I’d rather catch a movie about the unique interest of organized murder, something I only engage in on given periods (and NOT the kind staining the traveling pants). Do they even wash them? Drop the pants. Leave the cannoli.
RYAN: You’re naive if you think The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants (or TSOTTP for the uninitiated) is solely about pants. Maybe if you opened your eyes (and heart) you’d see that the pants are simply the catalyst for a story full of life lessons about friends, family, and growing up a little too fast in this crazy world. And the loss of virginity was only one of not two, not three, not four, but FOUR compelling stories in TSOTTP. How many does The Godfather have? One? Zero? One? Please. But you’re right. I guess not every movie can have an original theme like The Godfather. What’s that about again? Finding your place and earning people’s respect? Isn’t that just Johnny Tremain? But less patriotic.
SHAWN: First of all, you’re just angry because you got the pants after America Ferrera and she stretched ’em all out. Secondly, the pants as a catalyst to forge love and friendships? Yeah, there’s an original plot: using one thing to represent something else. I believe that’s the plot of a book that came out a few years before Johnny Tremain…THE BIBLE! And God knows nobody reads THAT thing anymore. And let’s talk compelling stories, shall we? Running time of TSOTTP2: 1hr 57min. Running time of The Godfather: 2hr 55min. Apparently, tales of mob deviations can hold an audience a few minutes longer than tales of getting a C+ in Biology. Oh, and I don’t remember Stanley Kubrick calling TSOTTP the “greatest movie ever made.” Maybe second or even third, but NOT first. Plus, lest we forget they were both based on novels, one written for forward-thinking, intelligent, well-read adults and the other for the Jonas Brothers.
RYAN: You’re just jealous I got into America Ferrera’s pants while you’re still living in your mom’s basement rocking your stained zubas. And did you really just argue that The Godfather is better cause it’s longer? You of all people should know (or at least hope) that length doesn’t matter. Otherwise, The Postman and Waterworld would have to be considered two of the greatest achievements in cinematic history. And I don’t even think Kevin Costner’s own mother would make that argument (she’s still alive, right?). But, evidently Stanley Kubrick calls it the “greatest movie ever made”? Isn’t that like an American Idol contestant getting a good review from Paula Abdul? It makes you feel good, but then you realize she’s drunk and says the same thing to everyone. Oh, wait. Sorry. She’s jet lagged. Jet. Lagged.
SHAWN: You’ve been in America Ferrera’s pants? Congratulations—you’ve just joined the ranks of a ball of lint, a ham sandwich, and Amelia Earhart. And way to turn our first valid P/CP completely personal. We can just end this now: award count. The Godfather: 3 Oscars including Best Picture, 5 Golden Globes, a Directors Guild of America award, a Writers Guild of America award, numerous Film Critics’ awards, and a Grammy. Yeah, it’s a movie and it won a freaking Grammy. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: Teen Choice Award nominee for Choice Movie Hissy Fit. And it didn’t even win! Don’t worry, though; neither did fellow nominee Monster-in-Law. And if Pirates of the Carribbean: The Treasure of the Lost Monster That Fell Down a Well and Then Came Back With the Treasure didn’t already take the award for longest title, TSOTTP2 would have and the reading of it alone would’ve sent it past Waterworld standards. The Godfather says what it is and gets right to the action. Like America Ferrera did for you.
"I didn't see Cabaret. Did you?"
RYAN: Sorry, I’m a little passionate when it comes to TSOTTP, but I’ll lay off the zubas jokes. Wow, three Oscar wins for The Godfather? Impressive. Too bad everyone knows those ’72 Oscars were completely rigged. Cabaret, a movie I have never seen and have no intention of seeing but absolutely HAS to be great, won Best Director, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction, Best Editing, Best Sound, and Best Scoring but didn’t win Best Picture? How does that even work? How can something be the best in nearly every category not be the best? But, hey, The Godfather did win for Best Screenplay Adaptation. And deservedly so. They adapted the hell out of that screenplay. But POTCTTOTLMTFDAWATCBWTT is way more descriptive of a title than The Godfather (and rolls off the tongue too). All The Godfather tells me is that Marlon Brando held some kid while he had his hoo-ha snipped. My Uncle Pete did the same thing to me and no one’s making a movie bout that. Though they should. I was 12 and that was the worst birthday ever.
SHAWN: First and foreskin, a briss is very different from a Baptism. Perhaps you should read less TSOTTP and more of The Bible (which we’ve already determined was its basis); nobody becomes a godfather when a kid’s hoo-ha is snipped. Secondly, who doesn’t want a title that exudes intrigue and interest? Who is this Godfather fellow and why is his movie so damn good? Nobody looks at TSOTTP and is all, “Those pants could do so many things! The possibilities and entertainments are endless!” No they don’t, because they only travel. I’ll concede the point that the Oscars were rigged, though…FOR CABARET! Clearly, The Godfather should’ve swept every category, including Choice Hissy Fit, but the Academy was especially into bedazzled outfits that year, which Al Pacino did not wear because he’s a badass man’s man. So if you’re into awesomeness and cool stuff, The Godfather is the clear choice. But if you, like Ryan, had his or her hoo-ha snipped mid-puberty, go with the Sisterhood.
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