Ryan

Name: Ryan

Age: 24 but I’m very mature for my age.

Favorite Food: Anything fried or wrapped in bacon.

Forty-Yard Dash Time: 4.44, but the margin of error is ±7 seconds.

Pat Sajak or Alex Trebek: Is that Trebek with or without the mustache?

Why Ryan’s Always Wrong: Poor research. And I drink a lot. But mostly the research thing. But I do drink a lot.

Favorite Family Circus: The one where Polly’s all upset, saying “I want to talk to Grandma, but PJ won’t stop hugging her.” But get this—PJ’s on the phone with Grandma, and he’s hugging the phone! The f****** phone! Grandma’s not there. She can’t feel the hug. It’s f****** crazy! Oh, Keane, how do you do it? How do you do it?

Favorite Non-Porn-Related Web Site: Google because it’s the gatekeeper of the porn.

Interests: Wishing on shooting stars, the metric system, logging onto the Internet at libraries I’m still allowed in, Wookies, talking in the third person, patiently waiting my turn.

Favorite Film: Anything that stars Cuba Gooding Jr. Can’t get enough of Cuba.

Favorite Place to Cry: The gym.

Word That Rhymes with “Quarter”: Terry Porter

Glasses Prescription: Just enough to make me street legal.

Friend or Foe: I’m a foe of a foe. You decide what that makes me.

Least Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: All. I prefer sherbet.

Why Do Men Have Nipples: Why should girls have all the fun?

What Would Jesus Do: Probably go for a long walk to catch up on his “me” time.

Currently Playing on iPod: The Monday Night Football theme on a continuous loop.

Least Favorite Berenstain Bear: Sister Bear was always such a wet blanket on Brother Bear.

Least Favorite Verb: Decimate—it doesn’t mean what you think.

Most Easily Ridiculed Film on Shawn’s Netflix Queue: Discovering The Real World of Harry Potter

Anticipated Daughter’s Name: Shawn

Dreamiest Politician: Sen. Max Baucus by name alone.

Least Favorite Question on this Survey: The glasses prescription question seemed a bit personal.